Confidence: Some People Seem To Be Born With It!
That might feel true, but it’s not. Some seem to have it as a natural strength - being popular, funny, and intelligent, while others have to work at it. Guaranteed - they are or have felt just like you at some point.
The good news is confidence is a skill you learn! Some learn it sooner than others, but it’s never too late.
So What As A Teen Do You Need To Do?
Below are 13 tips to help build your confidence. Please think about each in turn. Grab a notebook and prepare to make a few notes on each one. It’s about you and those around you. You may feel as if you don’t want to write down the information, but the notes are just for you, and you don’t have to share them with anyone if you don’t want to.
So if you are ready, let’s start now!
1. Realistic Goals
It’s essential to set realistic goals. You are not (and I’m sorry for this) a Marvel Super Hero! Are you overwhelmed juggling study, after-school/college commitments, and perhaps even a part-time job? I’ve been there; no one can do well at all these activities without setting realistic goals and having a plan. Write down all you have going on, a line for each activity. Look at each one separately and break down your commitments into small bite-size steps. What do you need to achieve this week? These small but steady steps are your answer to success - passing that diploma or degree, but thinking about the big end goal often feels overwhelming - so break it down. This week you only need to think about a few tasks. Write yours down for the week, and then plan for the following week, etc. - you got this!
2. Body Language
Do you know what your body language is saying about you? How you walk and carry yourself could tell others that you are unconfident even without speaking. Make sure you walk tall, head up and shoulders back. Try practicing your body language in different environments, at the shopping mall, supermarkets, school/college, and home. Consider how you speak. Speak clearly and at the right volume and tone; when we are shy or nervous, we often speak too quickly or not loud enough. The more you practice it, the more natural it will become. Tip: I used to think of someone I admired (this might be your parents or someone you know) and thought, 'I will be like them today.' I would imagine I was them when I walked into a room. I would imitate their walk, body language, and manner, which was easier than I thought; it also made me smile when I saw people reacting to me differently. If you believe you are confident - others will quickly see it too!
3. Achieve Something
It’s essential to know how it feels when you achieve something challenging. Have you been on an outdoor adventure holiday or been to Camp and made to climb up the face of a cliff and then had to abseil back down? Or had to stand up in front of the whole school and give a presentation or speech? Did you do it? Would you do it, or would you make excuses?
The achievement feels incredible when we push ourselves outside our comfort zone and complete a challenging task - it builds our confidence. What difficult thing could you achieve or complete? Please write it down. Were you thinking of dropping something because it was too hard? It might be a better decision to complete it!
4. Learn Something New
Ever wanted to try something new? When I broke up with my boyfriend, I bought a diary and planned to do new things, cool new things - by myself - no boyfriend needed. I learned to snowboard at a local indoor ski center. I felt amazing and made friends there. I also realized I took something negative like a break-up and got something positive and better. What new things could you learn? It could be dancing, a language, a sport, Thai cooking, or coding. The list is endless. It’s also an opportunity to meet new people, new friends. It might be getting a part-time job, say in a restaurant. The skills and confidence you will gain are priceless!
Write down some ideas. What have you always wanted to try? Is there somewhere local to you that you could enquire - check it out!
5. You Deserve Love
Deserving love might sound strange, but it needs to be said and said now; you deserve love!
(1) In our busy world with exams, deadlines, and attainments to be met, it can seem that those achievements and targets are the most important thing to our parents and those who take care of us, but it’s not. As a parent, I can tell you - you are the most important thing to them, and you might feel that your parents don’t always show you they love you enough, but if this is the case, it’s worth talking to them about it if you can, it might make all the difference. They might not realize how you are feeling - let them know. You might like some family time or praise from them on other projects that you do.
(2) When our self-esteem is low, we sometimes accept poor friendships and relationships; we think that’s all we deserve. But that’s rubbish! In the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower, written by Stephen Chbosky - there is a quote “We accept the love we think we deserve.” As you go on merrily into adulthood, remember this quote because you deserve the best relationships and love that life has to offer. Write down the quote. Know your worth because you deserve the best chocolate munching, movie watching, mountain climbing love there is!
6. It’s Okay To Fail
As I’m writing this, I can hear some parents shouting, ‘Nooo!’ Sometimes, it’s the best thing that can happen to you. Just don’t keep failing at the same thing! It’s how we get back up and learn from our mistakes. Failing helps us understand our limits—why we failed and push us to learn the necessary changes needed to succeed. Think about something you failed or are failing.
An example might be Math; why is it you are struggling? Look deeper; is it because you need to understand the basics again? Educational fails are fixable! For something like Math, it would help if you asked your teachers, etc., it might mean some more work on your side, but it will be worth it - it’s your education, remember, and that’s important. Write down anything you think you need help with and who might be able to help. Maybe a study buddy or someone who can help you practice?
7. Look For Solutions
Finding solutions to your problems is a great life skill many adults should learn. It’s essential to understand what caused something and work out how to fix it afterward. Many times work colleagues have come to me with just issues and no solutions. The next time you have a problem, you need to discuss it with your parents or an adult - also, provide them with some solutions you have considered, your approach, and your decision. They will undoubtedly be impressed that you came to them with the solution and will see how much you have developed as a young adult.
8. Strengths & Weaknesses
Did you know weakness is just tomorrow’s strength you need to practice? We all have some weaknesses we can work on; maybe it’s how we talk to people or listen. It’s also easier for us to feel and see our weaknesses and overlook our strengths. Perhaps you are empathic, caring, thoughtful, and analytical; you probably take those for granted and haven’t even noticed they were strengths. But our weaknesses can stop us from doing what we want, hold us back, or make us feel less confident. So I want you to write down your strengths - it’s also helpful to ask other people, such as your teachers, what they think your strengths are - you might be surprised. Then yes, I want you to write down your weaknesses, even a list of what’s bothering you or holding you back. What’s stopping you from being the person you want to be - that’s a list you need! Now mark against it what you can change and what you can’t. It might be that you can change them all (even when you think you can’t), but some might be easier than others. Think about the previous section on looking for solutions. If you have a list, you could prioritize it to the most impactful, making the most significant difference, and look to work on that first. There is a horrible old saying, “there is more than one way to skin a cat” there may be many ways to improve your weaknesses. It might be helpful to talk to people who can help you facilitate them, such as a teacher, friend, or parent, but you know your list - who can help you?
9. Toxic People
Have people around you that make you feel good about yourself. Can you just be yourself? I used to share a dorm and tried to fit in and be more like the other girls. They saw through that, and we didn’t bond. The second year I was just myself; some people didn’t like me very much, which was okay; those people were not like me, but I did attract people like me, and those people are still my friends today, and we had the best of times. If people around you make you feel like you can’t be yourself, put you down, bully you, don’t include you, or make you do the things they don’t want to, those friendships are toxic. Don’t have toxic friends, boyfriends, or girlfriends. Friends should bring out the best in you and you in them. These friends lift you, not put you down. Pick good humans. Now consider the relationships in your life - would you make any changes?
10. Celebrate Small Successes
Are you a few years away from exams or a significant life-changing event? Always celebrate your small achievements. Get your family involved; you want them to congratulate you too! Do you have regular assignments that require grading, sporting achievements, or achieving a personal best? It’s great to recognize our accomplishments, be proud of ourselves, and talk about them - you have bragging rights. Enjoy the spotlight. You earned it! Think about what you are working towards currently - what short-term goals can you hit and achieve? What could the celebration be, a meal, a movie? It’s motivating once you get started. You got this!
11. It’s Good To Talk
Communicate with those around you - all the above tips will work much better if you talk to those you trust and those who can help you with your goals - start with your parents/guardians. If not, then perhaps teachers, friends, or counselors at school. There is always someone available to help. It is incredible how quickly the world’s weight can be lifted from our shoulders when we see hope in sight. But remember, not toxic people - good people.
12. Do what you love!
When we do something we love or are passionate about, we often do it well because we put a lot of heart and effort into it. It can boost our confidence. We are often ourselves when we do what we love, it’s fun, not effort, and it makes us happy. Also, when we do things that we love, it releases Dopamine, the feel-good chemical in our bodies. Dopamine can make us feel pleasure, satisfaction, and motivation. Also, finding someone else who loves doing the same thing can open the door to new friendships - like-minded people. (P.S. I love Lego, in case you hadn’t noticed!)
13. Be Positive! (It’s the NEW YOU!)
Have you seen the movie “The Matrix”? In the scene where Morpheus offers the choice of a blue or red pill? The Blue pill represents the world in its current state around you. The red pill represents the real truth of life. There is no pill here, just us, but there is a better way to see the world around us.
I have an example you have probably heard before. You have a drink of lemonade; it’s at the halfway point. How do you see your glass? Is it half empty or half full? Let me take it a step further. How do you feel about the drink when you say it’s only half full? That less than satisfactory glass of lemonade leads to further negative thinking. But if you think (and feel) about your glass being half full and think positively about the situation, “yeah, I still have half a glass - lucky me!” It again can release Dopamine, the feel-good chemical in your body.
(1) Thinking positively about the world around you and the opportunities it holds for you can release Dopamine, which can motivate you. So get on the natural Dopamine train!
(2) This positivity is also about yourself - no more negative self-talk, only good things. Don’t take the blame for things that are not your fault. Stand up for yourself! Don’t imagine the worst of what might happen in a situation; stand back and consider all aspects. Try some positive affirmations, such as “I am brave, I am bold, I am beautiful” this was mine—a shy, tall girl who felt very self-conscious.
There are many you can try; Google away for ideas, find a few that resonate with you and say them in the morning before you leave the house. Positively say them and mean it - and try smiling at yourself in the mirror - you are a positive person, and good things are going to happen to you, learn to love yourself, and the world will follow!
Conclusion
It’s sometimes difficult for those around you to see that you are growing up; in your teen years, a lot happens fast. Parents and family may still treat you like a child. You don’t transform into an adult overnight, but it can be hard for them to adapt and adjust at the speed you need, so don’t be too hard on them! Parents are learning too, and being a parent can be tricky.
Thanks for listening - and work on the notes you gathered - you got this!
If you found this helpful, subscribe to the site or like us on Facebook and see more articles.
Exciting News! We have a new range of books launching soon, written just for Teens - we have free copies for our Early Reader Team. If you are interested, either sign-up on the website or our FB page.
Katie x
Author: Katie Websdell
I hope you liked the Lego illustrations - thanks Unsplash!
CBHS Health. (2021, August 15). Understanding the chemicals controlling your mood. Retrieved August 7, 2022, from https://www.cbhs.com.au/mind-and-body/blog/understanding-the-chemicals-controlling-your-mood
Comments